Title: All That Was Lost and All That Was Found
Characters: Claire, mentions Charlie and others.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1533
Warning: Implied character death. Spoilers through the end of S4.
Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own LOST.
Summary: A world where Claire is affected by Charlie's death for more than five minutes. Takes place over the course of S4.
Notes: Written for the lostsquee Fix-It Fest. Title from The Book of Lost Things. (More notes after fic.)


She follows Locke because she can't go back to the beach.

She can't go back to the beach because he will be there. His memory, his presence will surround her there. If she goes back it will be true, Charlie will really be dead.

So she goes with Locke.

It starts to rain as they head off towards the barracks. They're barely a few feet away from the fuselage when Desmond approaches her. His voice cracks as he tells her he's sorry, trying to look her in the eye as he says it. She knows he means it, but she doesn't say anything. What is there to say?

He pulls a piece of paper from his shirt pocket and holds it out to her. "He... he wanted me to give you this." She takes the paper, studies it but doesn't unfold it. "It's, ah... memories, he said. His best memories. Greatest hits."

Desmond smiles sadly. His gaze meets hers and this time he holds it. "I'm sorry, Claire," he says again and then he's gone. She watches him until he disappears, then she catches up with the rest of them.

- - - - - - - - - -

They stop to rest the next morning and she wanders off the the creek, finally getting a few minutes to herself. She props Aaron up in her lap and turns over Charlie's note in her free hand.

She tries to picture each of his memories in her mind, tries to imagine him as a little boy learning to swim, on Christmas morning with his brother, hearing himself on the radio. It doesn't really work. To her he'll always be here, on the island, rocking Aaron to sleep, strumming his guitar, grinning at her after making some joke that may or may not have been funny.

The last one – his greatest hit – grabs her heart and shoves it into her throat so fast that she thinks she might throw up.

#1. The day I met you.

Hurley finds her. Neither of them have to say anything. He understands. He sits next to her and she buries her face in his chest. For the first now time she can truly feel it, the ache in her bones, in her chest, and she knows that he's gone.

They sit there for who knows how long, both sobbing, shaking while Aaron lies quietly in her arms and fingers the paper crumpled in her hand. It's the closest thing to a funeral Charlie will ever get.

- - - - - - - - - -

The next week or so passes her by and she barely even notices.

It doesn't feel right, being on the island without him. Most of her memories since the crash seem to revolve around him. He was there the first night, he was there when Ethan took her, when Aaron was born, when he was taken. Without him she just feels lost, incomplete.

She spends most of her time with no one but Aaron, feeding him, rocking him, cleaning him. Everyone tries to comfort her, some of them offer to take care of Aaron, but she doesn't want to be comforted and she definitely doesn't want anyone taking Aaron from her.

"If there's anything I can do, just let me know," they all say. I just want everyone to leave me bloody hell alone. But she doesn't say it, doesn't say much of anything.

- - - - - - - - - -

One morning she's jarred awake by the sound of gunfire.

Before she can do or think anything she's hurled across the room and everything goes black.

She hears him call her name. At first she can't see him, but as the smoke begins to clear she realizes that he's standing over her. The sun is shining directly behind him and he looks like an angel, smiling, holding out his hand. She reaches up to take it, but then –

Someone else is calling her name. She blinks and Charlie has been replaced by Sawyer. No.

"Charlie?"

Sawyer picks her up and begins to run. Everything is happening so fast and her head is spinning.

She comes to in a bedroom. Hurley is there, holding Aaron and looking nervously out the window. When she tries to sit up she sees him. He's sitting in a chair by the dresser, legs crossed, and he motions for her to keep quiet.

"Hurley... What's my father doing here?"

He looks around the room, but her father is gone. "There's no one here, Claire."

Then they hear a shot. And all hell breaks loose.

- - - - - - - - - -

This time she doesn't follow Locke.

"I'm headin' back to the beach and Claire and the kid are comin' with me." Sawyer turns to her. "You good with that?"

This time she has to go. She doesn't know if he'll be there, but it's a good place to start. She needs to find him. "Yeah, I'm good with that."

- - - - - - - - - -

He was so close.

She thought she'd lost him for good, but he was there. And she knows why – why she could see him, why he called to her, why she wanted nothing more than to go with him.

She almost died.

She should have died.

Maybe she did. Maybe she's dead and she doesn't know it.

- - - - - - - - - -

Miles keeps looking at her. Sometimes it feels like he's not really looking at her but past her, behind her. That's how she realizes that her father is still there even though she can't see him anymore.

Then she thinks maybe it's not her father at all. Maybe it's Charlie.

Later she decides to ask Miles who he sees following them and maybe why he can see him when no one else can. Before she gets the chance her father comes for her.

When she wakes up in the middle of the night Aaron isn't in her arms and she starts to panic. He's sitting by the fire, gently rocking her sleeping son. He looks up at her and smiles.

"Dad?"

- - - - - - - - - -

Leaving Aaron behind is the hardest decision she's ever had to make.

But her father and the man he took her to – he called himself Jacob – promise her his safety and that he would be back with her soon. She may be losing her mind (she's actually pretty sure that she is), but something makes her believe them, makes her feel that she's doing the right thing. She kisses her son good-bye, tells him she loves him, and tries not to look back as she leaves.

Now she's lost them both. But Jacob smiles at her when she returns to the cabin and somehow she feels better.

"He's going to be fine," he assures her again. "This isn't the place for him right now."

"So now what?" she asks and wipes away her dried tears. "What am I supposed to do now?"

"John will be here soon," he says, more to her father than to her. Before she can say anything, he turns back to her and adds, "I believe there's something you're looking for."

- - - - - - - - - -

She finds him behind the cabin, sitting on the ground, guitar in his lap. He's just as she remembers him. He's only been dead a week but it feels like years have passed since she's seen him. At first she can't move or speak, she just watches him, waits until she's sure that he's really there and he isn't going to disappear again, before she finally finds her voice. "Charlie?"

He perks up and turns to her, smiling, and she feels a tug in her chest.. "It's about bloody time!" He motions for her to sit next to him. "Here, sit down. I have a new song."

A new song? She has a million questions – How is this possible? Aren't you dead? Am I dead? What's going on? He acts so natural, like nothing ever happened, like they're just picking up where they left off.

She's finally able to move and she runs to him, falls to her knees and throws her arms around him. It shouldn't be possible but she knows that it is and nothing has ever felt more right. He lets out a cough. "Claire, you're choking me!"

She releases him, sits back and looks at him, runs her fingers through his hair. Nothing has changed. "I thought I'd never see you again."

"I couldn't let that happen, could I?" He smiles again. "Don't you want to hear my song?"

She leans against him, rests her head on his shoulder and listens to him play. When the song is over they sit quietly for a while. Finally she has to ask. "Did you know you were going to die?"

He just nods.

"Don't worry about Aaron," he says after a few minutes, sounding more serious than she's ever heard him. "We're not going to let anything happen to him."

They don't say anything else for a while. She dozes against him while he plays his guitar again. Then she sees a light and her father walking toward them. "It's time, Claire."

Charlie helps her get to her feet. "Time for what?" she asks.

The two of them look at each other – they seem to know something she doesn't. Charlie smiles at her and puts his hand on her shoulder.

"You've got work to do."




A/N: I'm not entirely satisfied with this one.It starts out fine, but... I really feel like it could be better, but I didn't know what else to do with it. And too much tinkering can be a bad thing so I had to stop before I messed it up completely. My only excuse is that this is my first completed full-length fic, so it's not supposed to be just fantastic. And I'm not a Claire fan, so... that might have something to do with it. :P

Plus, it doesn't really feel much like Claire, but that was sort of the point, I think. I mean, seriously - she's all happy, smiling, hanging out with Kate on the front porch and we're all like WTF? Didn't Charlie just die like yesterday?! So I was fixing that and hopefully I didn't make her too out of character in the process. If I did, you'll just have to forgive me. :P

Also, I fixed a small thing that they built an entire episode around in S3 but had clearly forgotten about by the time S4 rolled around - Charlie's greatest hits.

I know it's not really clear here whether or not Claire is dead. That's because I don't even know anymore. But I'm putting up the character death warning in case some readers interpret it that way. By "you've got work to do" I'm assuming that there is some reason for Claire being taken to the cabin and leaving Aaron in the jungle, therefore avoiding all the time-jump fun with the rest of our Left Behinders. But I'm not going to pretend to know what that reason might be.

OKAY, I'm done babbling.